I don't know if I could do it

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friend Jeremy. He's so cool and laid back at times. He has the attitude like "fuck it" you know, that attitude that he doesn't care about anything. That's the attitude I've been looking for, and I seem to get that feeling and state of mind when I'm with Jeremy. Maybe that’s the reason why I’m with him more than Val. I love Val with all my heart and more But I’m distancing myself from her because honestly I don’t think she ready for what I am about to do. Jeremy knows my plans and even helped me orchestrate it. He got the gun for me and we’ve been practicing how to shoot it at the lake. If Val knew I had a gun she would probably freak out or something so I think its best if this just stays between me and Jeremy. I want to tell her what I’m planning so badly but I’m not sure how she would handle it. Jeremy always tells me not to mention it to her or even joke with her about anymore. “Don’t even talk to her about it all dude, I’m telling you she’s gonna fuck it up” he would say. The past few days, I been looking at Jeremy like were closer then friends, he’s like my big brother with all the right advice. He wouldn’t steer me in the wrong direction, and this was my only way to reach peace for Valerie and myself, so this must be the right thing to do. I’m nervous and a little scared but I got Jeremy in my corner so I’ll be fine.